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Fatwa CenterFavoring one's mother with better food
Question
Salaam alaykom wa rahma tullahi wa barakatoh dear shaykh. Sometimes it may happen that I have something better than my mother, for example at dinner I can have a better piece of bread than her. I want to give it to her and take hers, since mine is better, but she won't allow it (I know it is out of love from her, but she is more precious to me than I am for her according to Islamic teachings and myself). How should I act in such a situation? Should I listen to her and let her have the lesser good thing or should I give mine and ignore her command? Jazak Allah kheyran!
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
May Allaah reward you for your keenness to be dutiful towards your mother and for your selflessness and you putting her contentment and benefit before your own. We implore Allaah to save the rewards for such a righteous deed for you in the Hereafter and raise your rank in Paradise. It was narrated that Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah As-Sulami 
said, “I came to the Messenger of Allaah and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for Jihaad with you, seeking thereby the rewards of Allaah and (winning Paradise in) the Hereafter.’ He said: ‘Woe to you! Is your mother alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Go back and honor her.’ Then, I approached him from the other side and said, ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for Jihaad with you, seeking thereby the rewards of Allaah and (winning Paradise in) the Hereafter.’ He said: ‘Woe to you! Is your mother alive?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Go back and honor her.’ Then, I approached him from in front of him and said: ‘O Messenger of Allaah, I want to go for Jihaad with you, seeking thereby the rewards of Allaah and (winning Paradise in) the Hereafter.’ He said: ‘Woe to you! Is your mother alive?’ I said: ‘Yes.’ He said: ‘Woe to you! Stay at her feet, for Paradise is there.’” [Ibn Maajah]
For more benefit about dutifulness towards parents, please refer to Fataawa 87019 and 82254.
You have done well by hastening to favor your mother over yourself as a gesture of dutifulness towards her. Since she is the one who refused, there is no problem. The basic principle is that you are not obliged to give your mother your own portion of food unless you know or believe that it is likely that she wants it and that not giving it to her would harm her somehow. Al-Qaraafi 
wrote, “The criteria of the special duties of children to their parents are the following … second: children are obliged to absolutely avoid incurring any kind of harm upon them as long as this does not constitute harm to the child.” [Al-Furooq]
In addition to that, a mother may be happier and more pleased when she sees her son eating that food that is of greater quality and quantity than her own.
Allaah Knows best.
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