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Fatwa CenterHow to react to parents’ constant criticism
Question
Assalam wa alykum i need some advice on dealing with my parents who keep criticizing me daily for almost every thing since i was a child. No matter what i do. i tried my best to make them happy, tired to do everything that they like but when ever i do anything wrong they criticize me more than expressing their happiness for something good i did. they criticize my work, my habits n they also criticize me for being fat. i am trying best to reduce my weight but they dont stop. it is really hurting to see that they cant find anything good in me to be happy with. even if they do they hardly express it, except for expressing thr anger for wrong things that i did. they compare me to others too. so n so r like that... i used to be like this.. i tried to talk to them but it made the situation worse. it is very disturbing the way they criticize.. little while ago i even started hurting myself because it used to make feel better. then i stopped knowing that it is not allowed. sometimes i back reply them or become rebellious because of continuous criticism. pls i need ur advice jazak allhu khair
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.
What you have mentioned about your parents’ constant criticism of everything you do is something bad that goes against the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam. Anas 
narrated: "When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, came to Al-Madeenah, Abu Talhah held me by my hand and took me to the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, and said: “O Messenger of Allaah, Anas is a clever boy, let him serve you. So, Anas said: I served him during travel and at home, and I swear by Allaah, I never did something to which he said to me, 'Why did you do it this way?', and I never left something undone to which he said to me, 'Why did you not do it this way?'” [Muslim]
Moreover, comparing someone to others so as to demean that person is something reprehensible. Educationists have stated that this method is one of the most dangerous means in the process of upbringing as it often causes discouragement, idleness and lack of aspiration for success.
Among the factors of good upbringing of parents to their children is to praise their positive behavior so as to sharpen their interest to achieve excellence, and to take the opportunity to provide guidance in cases of negative behavior. It has been authentically reported that Muhammad ibn Ziyaad said: "I heard Abu Hurayrah say: 'Al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali 
took a date from the dates that were given in charity and put it in his mouth. Thereupon, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, told him: 'Kakh! Kakh! (i.e. expel it from your mouth) Do you not know that we do not eat what is given in charity?'” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Hence, we firstly recommend that you be patient with them, as they are your parents, and you must be kind and dutiful to them. Indeed, you did well by trying to make them happy and gain their pleasure. May Allaah give you the ability to do so. Also, you should ask Allaah to guide them and bring them back to their senses and grace them with treating you kindly. Advising them in a gentle and polite way is important. This, however, does not have to be done directly on your part. Instead, you may seek the help of anyone who may influence them and whom they may listen to.
What you mentioned about answering your parents back and being rebellious to them is wrong and constitutes a form of undutifulness to them. So, you have to repent of it. You are not allowed to mistreat them in any manner even though they mistreat you. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 85652, 87019 and 84942.
You did well by ceasing to harm yourself, as it is absolutely prohibited to harm oneself. Allaah says (what means): {...And do not kill yourselves [or one another]. Indeed, Allaah is to you ever Merciful.} [Quran 4:29] Allaah also says (what means): {And spend in the way of Allaah and do not throw [yourselves] with your [own] hands into destruction [by refraining]. And do good; indeed, Allaah loves the doers of good.} [Quran 2:195]
Moreover, Ibn ‘Abbaas narrated that the Prophet 
said: “There should be no harming or reciprocating harm.” [Ahmad]
Instead of hurting yourself, you should keep Allaah in mind and seek His forgiveness. Allaah says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]
Finally, we ask Allaah to relieve your distress, alleviate your hardship, correct your parents and bless you with their pleasure and with Paradise.
Allaah Knows best.
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