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Fatwa CenterHis father deprives him and spends lavishly on his parents
Question
Salaam. regarding parent-child relation. I have a bad relationship with my father regarding his unfair treatment of his children. He sends so much money to his parents abroad (We live in western country) that they live in extravagance and waste, using facilities that the general population cannot afford e.g. a large mansion, car, motorbikes, junk food When I ask for money for basic needs, clothing of an acceptable standard, an education to allow me to earn halal money or for halal business, he refuses even if it is a very small amount. What is worse is that over 20 years, the amount sent is around 60,000 dollars. As a result of reckless sending, my father is happy to take an interest-based mortgage to continue sending to his parents and even buying land for them not used for agriculture or any purpose at all. When I ask for financial assistance for religious and worldly education, he refuses and tells me to take an interest-based loan (& he can afford to send money abroad despite his son's worsening condition) and he do not see the barakah of spending on Islamic education saying it leads to poverty and misery. The lack of financial assistance and unfair treatment and hopelessness has made me carry out self-harm and suicidal actions and I am now on anti-depressants. As a result, this relatonship is getting steadily worse. He thinks he is serving deen by sending to the parents abroad and building mansions, buying cars and land (even though they live comfortably) and gaining barakah. Meanwhile, his parents who can barely walk, continue to demand and phone for money. Meanwhile, his child's mental state slips further and further. I cannot talk to him about my problems because he gets very angry and almost violent. This is a test from Allah. Am I allowed to leave home? What is my religious position regarding these issues? How do I respond to the situation with regards to eveyday living?
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
You should know that the parent remains a parent even if he wrongs his children and mistreats them, so he is entitled to kind and dutiful treatment from his children in all cases; please refer to Fataawa 82254 and 87019.
The father is obliged to provide for his young children who cannot work and earn a living to provide for themselves. Muslim scholars held different opinions regarding whether the father is obliged to finance the education of his children or not. Some of them are of the view that it is an obligation for him to finance his children’s education. Jurists also held different opinions regarding whether the father is obliged to provide for his adult son who is able to work and earn a living or not.
If the father has fulfilled his duty concerning his children, then he is not to be blamed if he is kind to his parents and gives them whatever he is able to give. He may even be obliged to provide for his parents if they were poor and unable to earn a living and provide for themselves.
Regarding the fact that your father took a usurious loan, especially that it was for what exceeds the necessary expenditure and his saying that Islamic education leads to poverty and misery, then he should be kindly and wisely advised about such words and deeds without harshness as harshness may lead to undutifulness, which is a grave sin. He should also be advised that the Sharee‘ah urges the rich Muslim to leave wealth to his children and dependents so that they would not ask people for money. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “You would better leave your heirs wealthy rather than leaving them poor, begging others.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim] You can also seek the help and mediation of wise people whose advice he is likely to accept.
On the other hand, there is no harm in moving out of your father's house if you move to a place where you will be safe. However, if there is no guaranteed benefit for leaving the house or you fear incurring your father's wrath, then you should not leave the house. In this case, you should be patient and take it easy upon yourself, and remember your Lord frequently; Allaah, The Exalted, says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allaah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allaah hearts are assured."} [Quran 13:28]
Besides patience and remembrance of Allaah, you are advised to supplicate Allaah. Verily, supplication is the optimal means by which the Muslim can attain whatever he wishes and ward off whatever he fears. In addition, you should keep the company of righteous people who remind you if you forget, and aid you if you remember.
Allaah Knows best.
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