Assalamualaikum, I'm a Muslim woman aged 25 married to a Muslim man aged 32, 4 months back. My husband is a nice person but egoistic and not very Islamic. Before marriage we would casually talk to know eachother. When I discussed about Mehr he abruptly said "if girl's side asks it's Mehr and you legalise it but when d guy's side ask you term it as dowry". We had a rough argument but i was asked by my parents to make peace as they had no demands unlike all other alliances. They didn't ask for any dowry as my husband believes to be a self made person. We would fight many tyms coz his ego wouldn't go well with me. I was very upset on my nikah day thinking how my life would go on. After marriage we spent 10 days together as he had come from abroad only for 10 days. He was very nice to me, I thought everything has settled and I was happy. Later on, I realized hez a very stingy man. He would ask me an account of every single penny he sent d 2 months I was away from him. I thought its happening coz it's d initial tym. I have come to live with him now and he doesn't give me a single penny in my hand. He sure buys anything I ask for and spends for household expenses. I had a hard tym accepting tat. While we were discussing about me working, I told him tat id work and keep the money with me. He angrily said "if I work I have to spend on both of us, I provide for u but if u work u term it as ur money, it's unfair" I said tats how it is in Islam. Hez planning to start business and lacks investment, I wanted to help him with tat n said I'd work n help him wid finance. He wants an account of all the money I earn and also we were talking about doing boutique business in future, I asked him if he wud help in d future, he said he wud provide capital but wants profit in return. I said I'd earn myself and invest in d business, he expects me to give him or his family d profits even though d investment wud b mine. He seems to be a very difficult person to deal with and I'm hurt aldisc

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

What you have mentioned did not include a specific question, so we deem it appropriate to mention some comments on what you stated:

Firstly, the suitor before marriage is a non-Mahram to his fiancée, so the conversation between them should only be for a need; the conversation without a need is not permissible. Continuous conversations on the pretext of knowing each other is not a good approach. The best method of knowing the truth about a person is to ask trustworthy people who contracted with him and dealt with him.

Secondly, a Muslim may not be free from a deficiency in his religion. What is important is that he should be observing the Commandments of Allah and refraining from committing His Prohibitions. It is by advising each other to the truth with good words that the spouses strengthen their Iman (faith) and engage in doing acts of obedience to Allah.

Thirdly, stinginess is a dispraised quality and the Prophet used to seek refuge in Allah from it. What is important for you is that your husband fulfils your rights. If he spends on you in reasonable terms, then he has fulfilled his obligation. He does not have to give you pocket money but if he does so with his own proper will, then this is good, and it is acceptable to ask him for this. But if that may spoil the marital relationship between you, then avoid it and be patient.

If we presume that he is stingy about spending on you, then you have the right to take from his money –according to your need –even without his knowledge.

'Aa'ishah narrated that Hind bint ‘Utbah; the wife of Abu Sufyan said to the Prophet "O Messenger of Allah! Abu Sufyan is a miserly man, and he does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children. Can I take of his property without his knowledge?" The Prophet said: "Take what is sufficient for you and your children, according to what is acceptable." [Al-Bukhari]

Fourthly, the dowry is a right that Allah has enjoined on the husband to his wife, as Allah Says (what means): {And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.} [Quran 4:4] Therefore, it is the Sharee’ah that determined this matter and it does not depend on the wife's family.

With regard to what you mentioned about the amount that the family of the wife gives to the husband, then this is not imposed by the Sharee’ah, but it is just a good gift that makes people happy and which strengthens the marital relations between the in-laws. So, it is wrong that your husband compares it to the dowry.

Fifthly, a woman may work provided she observes the Islamic conditions, among which is that it should be with the permission of her husband. If she works and earns money, it is her absolute right and it is not permissible for her husband to control it. Besides, she is not obliged to spend from her salary on her own self or her husband. It is her husband who is obliged to spend on her even if she is rich.

However, some scholars said that a husband could give his wife permission (to work) in return for her giving him some of her money; but some other scholars forbade this. This issue is an issue of difference of opinion.

Sixthly, it is acceptable for your husband to give you a sum of money to work in Mudhaarabah and the profit between you will be according to the an agreement between you, that you have a half, a third, or a quarter of the profit for instance. If there is any loss, then it is the owner of the money who assumes it according to the conditions mentioned by the jurists when talking about Mudhaarabah and its rulings. For more benefit on Mudhaarabah, please refer to Fataawa 276166, 354718, 258553, and 94668.

Seventhly, in conclusion, we recommend that there should be respect and good marital relations between the spouses. They should both avoid reasons that lead to problems, especially at the beginning of the marital life. Islam has legislated marriage to be a stability for the spouses. Allah Says (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.} [Quran 30:21]

Allah knows best.