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Fatwa CenterValid reasons to refuse intercourse with husband
Question
Is my situation a valid reason to refuse from intimate affairs with my husband because it causes a severe harm for my mental health and sexuality? He has verbally forced me to have sex with him for ten years. His actions caused me very severe health issues like dissociative PTSD and self-harming tendencies. Besides, I have never felt any kind of sexual enjoyment, desire nor attraction during our marriage.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
Scholars has stated that it is impermissible for a woman to refuse her husband’s request to have intercourse, unless there is a valid and legitimate reason to it. The prohibition regarding this is mentioned in the authentic Sunnah. Some of the valid reasons are when intercourse prevents the woman from carrying out a religious obligation or if she is significantly harmed because of it. What is meant by 'a significant harm' is the harm that is obvious, by which the woman is usually harmed a lot. So, If the case is what you have mentioned of being severely harmed, it is permissible for you to refrain from intercourse, in case you are not able to solve the problem through mental health or by discussing it with your husband.
On the other hand, it is not permissible to refuse intercourse just because of not feeling pleasure and attraction.
We draw your attention to the fact that the spouses must live in kindness and compassion, based on what Allah the Exalted has commanded in the Quran. He Almighty says (what means): {...and live with them in kindness.} [Quran 3:19], and, {...and due to wives is similar to what is expected from them, according to what is reasonable.} [Quran 2:228]. As part of this kindness and compassion, the spouses should do things which attract them to each other and make them desire each other, in terms of adornment, wearing perfumes, foreplay, and so on, as this is the guidance of the Prophet, sallallaahu`alayhi wa sallam, with regard to his relationship with his wives. And, indeed, it is the ideal guidance and the best example to be followed.
Allah knows best.
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