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Fatwa CenterHe wants to reconcile with his wife but she and her family refuse
Question
We have been married for 10 years with 4 beautiful young children. My wife loves to argue for even a little thing. Which I do not like. Recently we had an argument and out or frustration I hit her couple of times on her arm. After that, without my permission she took our 4 children and staying with my in-laws. She filed a law suite against me and asked for protection and she got it. Now I cannot contact her or her family to resolve the problem. I sincerely apologized to my wife and her family and asked to forgive me, through a 3rd person. I also asked Allaah to forgive me and made an oath with Allaah in Sujood that I will never hit my wife again. But my father in-law is telling us that he does not trust me anymore with his daughter. According to my father in-law's advice I started an anger management session with the mental health. And I told them that I am willing to do whatever it takes to get my wife and children back. I will listen and obey any advise or suggestion. I am willing to go for counseling, Islamic arbitration or accept any punishment Insha Allaah. I will never hit her again and will treat her with respect and dignity and love Insha Allaah. But looks like they do not want to hear anything. At this moment my wife wants separation for 6 months to 1 year, which I do not want for the sake of the children, because it will be a traumatic experience for them. I even requested my father in-law to live with us as long he wants, as he is a retired person. I am extending my hand but they are saying that it is too late. Please advise me what is the Islamic ruling about this situation. I fear Allaah and asking Allaah to help us. I do not want a divorce and I love my wife and my children. I love and respect my in-laws. They are wonderful people.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
If a wife leaves her husband's home without his permission, then she is disobedient to him, and Allaah explained to us the steps that a husband should take in dealing with a disobedient wife and this is discussed in Fatwa 89480.
So if your wife left your home without your permission and without a sound Islamic excuse, then she is a disobedient wife.
However, you should not have hit her before exhausting the other steps that come before hitting when dealing with a disobedient wife. If you hit her severely then you were wrong and if she left your home in order to repel the harm from her, she is not sinful for leaving the house without your permission.
The fact that she is arguing too much is dispraised in Islam because it is an obligation on the wife to obey her husband as long as he does not order her to disobey Allaah. However, you can solve the problem of her arguing too much with admonition and advice. If this is without any avail, then you can hit her without leaving any scars or marks provided that hitting does not lead to a greater harm than the benefit that is expected from hitting her, for instance if hitting her leads her to becoming more disobedient or leaving the home as it happened.
In any case, we advise you to continue endeavouring to reconcile with her as reconciliation is good especially that Allaah blessed you with children with her.
First, we advise you to seek Allaah's Help, then the help of whomever you think could influence this woman and her family so that they would remind her that it is not permissible for her to refuse to go back to her husband's home, and remind her family that it is not permissible for them to prevent her from going back to her husband's home. If reconciliation takes place, all perfect praise be to Allaah. However, in case they refuse, you should take the case to an Islamic centre to look into the matter and take the appropriate solutions.
Allaah Knows best.
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