I have been married for one and a half year now and have bin facing allot of problems with my spouse... I really love him very much...bt the amount of pain he is causing me is forcing me to change as a person...I've even thought of divorce...I've tried awl ways n means to make him understand that his I don't care attitude towards me is bad n that he should change bt seems like nothing really matters to him..he is happy with wt he is doing. Ever since we started staying togthr he has let me down in every walk of our journey. They were times wen there was no water at home n he would leave me without water n jus go away to work n would as me to drink frm the tap which had no drinking water.. It's not like he couldn't afford buying water... He jus took advantage f me keeping quite. This jus a glimps f a small thng he did. He is awl the time in his cell phone r ps3r laptop n hardly has time for me... Never talks to me.. I all ways strt of a conversation which he hardly responds properly..he wants me to sit beside him in wt ever he does n he says u do ur thng ill do mine.. N so by doing this he says we are spending quality time togthr..... n wen we go out for example to the mall he is busy with his phone connecting to the internet..N m left alone..He says he loves. Me bt I don't feel that.. Even in the most most private time...he is lost...r something else in his head r he's dead sleepy n falls a sleep... More over he wants me to look bad ugly shabby wen we go out... N says no one shld look at u so look average r bad... He never compliments me..Never appreciates... This is like tourtière for me... M nt able to take it anymore... N wen I talk to him n try saying that this behavior is hurting me. Awl he says is this is manly.. This is how it is supposed to be.. I love u.. See the deep meaning f wat I say. I am fed up of him taunting me ignoring me... N taking me easy awl the time... Please advice me wat to do..

All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and messenger.

In brief, what we can say about your husband – if your account is correct – is that he is not offering you good companionship and he seems to be harsh in nature. In fact, a husband is commanded to treat his wife kindly and decently in a manner he wishes to be treated himself, especially if he claims to love her. Indeed, love drives a person to show compassion and kindness and fulfill the desires of the loved one, not to be a cause for his/her sadness and heartbreak.

A Muslim should follow the example of the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, in this regard. Indeed, he, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was an exemplary husband. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, keenly kept the company of his wives, cheerfully joking and laughing with them, and striving to bring happiness to their hearts. He, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, even helped them in the household chores. Al-Aswad reported that ‘Aa’ishah was once asked, “What did the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, use to do at home?” She replied, “He used to keep himself busy with household chores and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it.” [Al-Bukhari] Please, refer to Fataawa 86618 and 88304 for further information.

Our advice to you is to keep patient, advise your husband in the light of what we have underlined, and supplicate Allaah on his behalf. Hopefully, he will be set aright, and if he does, it would be to the best interest of both you and him. However, if he continues to treat you as such, and you hate your life with him and fear that this would drive you to neglect fulfilling your duties as his wife, then you are entitled to Khul’ (divorce at the request of the wife) in exchange of a compensation. For more benefit, please refer to Fatwa 89039.

On the other hand, we would like to point out that a Muslim woman is enjoined to avoid all that which may tempt and lure men such as wearing perfume, adornments, and the like. This is stressed in the Hadeeth that reads: “…but they may go out (to the mosque) having not perfumed themselves.” as explained by Hadeeth scholars. Al-Haafith Ibn Hajar cited the commentary of Ibn Daqeeq Al-‘Eed “The Hadeeth means that women should not leave their houses and go to the mosque while wearing perfume. This is reinforced with the Hadeeth reported by Zaynab, Ibn Mas‘ood’s wife that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “When any one of you comes to the mosque, she should not apply perfume.” Everything that is to the same effect as perfume is considered forbidden as well because the rationale behind deeming the application of perfume impermissible for women outdoors is potential temptation. The same ruling applies to wearing nice and attractive clothes and apparent jewels and splendid adornments and intermixing with men.” [Fat-h Al-Baari]

Of course, this does not mean that you should wear unsightly or threadbare clothes.

Allaah Knows best.