I am from Iran (I am Sunni-Hanafi), but I was born and brought up in Dubai. I have been living in Iran ever since my marriage. I did not want to marry my husband but was guilt-tripped into it by my parents. There is a 10-year age gap between us, and we are both really different. I was brought up in a religious family, and his family is so fancy. We really had a very ruff begining, and I could not feel any love towards him. He is always so angry and talks in a mean way and does not like me to visit my relatives or go shopping; he just wants me to stay home. Three years have passed since our marriage, and I have not seen any change in him. I am so tired of living this life without love, respect, and trust. He is always so suspicious and does not pray and always listens to music. We always argue because we always misunderstand each other. It has now reached the point that I feel disgusted when he touches me and get really furious when he talks to me and is around. I keep refusing when he calls me to bed, but he forces me. I tried to explain to him that the way he treats me has created a big distance between us, but he said that I am just making up excuses because I do not love him and said that if I do not want to live with him I can leave and should not even think of asking for the baby. My mom suggested to tell him that if he starts praying, I will stay with him for the sake of Allaah, but he disagreed and said that he will start from Ramadan. He prayed and fasted the 30 days of Ramadan and then did not pray even one day for 11 months up to the next Ramadan. Then I decided to pray Istikhaarah (prayer of consultation) for a week, and if he starts praying, I will stay, and if not, then I will leave. After a week, I wanted to take my baby and go, but since he did not let me take her, I stayed. Although he knows that I am thinking of separation, he literally forces me to bed. I do not want to lose my child, but I feel very disturbed and depressed and am afraid that as a wife, I will not be able to do my duties and obey him because I have really lost hope in him. Please help me decide.

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

If your husband is as you described, then he has committed a number of sins and evil acts; being disobedient to his Lord and neglecting the right of his wife. The most serious matter that you mentioned about him is the fact that he abandoned the prayer, because by doing so, he cuts the relationship between his Lord and him. This alone is enough justification to ask for a divorce from him. Please refer to fatwas 88016 and 88932.

However, before asking for a divorce, you may seek the help of some righteous people to advise him. Also, supplicate Allah for him as much as possible. If he repents and turns to Allah, then this is what is required; otherwise, you may separate from him even by paying him a compensation; this is called Khul’ (divorce in return for a compensation).

It should be noted that if a wife hates her husband and she fears to be negligent about his right, it becomes permissible for her to ask him for a Khul’. For more benefit, please refer to fatwas 89039, and 129011.

If we presume that divorce or Khul’ takes place, then the custody of your child is your right unless you get married again, in which case the custody moves to the female who is more eligible, such as your mother (i.e. the mother of the mother) according to the sequence mentioned by the scholars. Please, refer to fatwa 84618. If there is any dispute, then an Islamic court rules in this case.

We would like to point out the following matters:

1- The husband has no right to prevent his wife from visiting her family without a sound Islamic reason. In case he prevents her, is she obliged to obey him? There is a difference of opinion among the scholars in this issue. Nonetheless, we recommend that the husband helps his wife in being kind and dutiful to her parents and in keeping the ties with her kinship, just as he likes her to help him be dutiful to his own parents. A husband is not obliged to allow his wife to go to the market, but it is part of good marital relationship that he allows her to do so if there is no Islamic reason which prevents from it. Nevertheless, whenever a woman can stay in her home, it is better and safer for her. She does not go out except for her necessity. Allah says (what means): {And abide in your houses and do not display yourselves as [was] the display of the former times of ignorance. And establish prayer and give zakaah and obey Allah and His Messenger. Allah intends only to remove from you the impurity [of sin], O people of the [Prophet's] household, and to purify you with [extensive] purification.} [Quran 33:33]

2- A wife is not permitted to refuse to answer the call of her husband to bed just because she hates him. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet said, “If a husband calls his wife to bed (to have sexual intercourse with her) and she refuses, and he goes to bed angry with her, the angels will curse her until she gets up in the morning.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim].

For more benefit, please refer to fatwa 121125.

Allah knows best.