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Fatwa CenterHer Husband Does Not Spend Time With Her
Question
Assalamualaikum. I have some questions and doubts which I want cleared. Namely being an ungrateful wife. I wrote before and this is a follow up question. I tried speaking to my husband and whenever I mention to him about his mistakes or ways he becomes defensive and says I am being ungrateful. He says why I love the dunya so much and want to satisfy my nafs. I tell him Allah created the male and female differently. Honestly if my husband is to survive with dry bread and water everyday he would happily do it. And when I mention that to him he said yes because he is content. And I not. I am so depressed and feeling so low. I am so alone and isolated. I hate my life here. I even went to a sheik and explained it to him. The sheik said if your husband lives in the moon you need to be with him. I am just fed up. And guilty and angry. I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know who is right and wrong anymore either. Please advise me. Also being far away from family and being lonely sometimes I wish my husband spends more time with me. Which is impossible due to his work commitments. How should a husband balance his work and wife. Most of the time I feel he is married to his work. I find so much peace when I go to the mosque. I go at least twice a week for classes and Jummah. I am constantly doing dhikr. And that's what confuses me. Why am I feeling like this. Please advise me dear sheik. May Allah reward you.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad 
is His slave and Messenger.
We have already answered your previous question in Fatwa 367369.
We are not sure why your husband described you as an ungrateful wife. However, it is your right that your husband spends on you according to reasonable terms and according to what suits your condition, as the jurists have stated. He has no right to oblige you to live a life of abstinence and austerity and the like.
The fact that a woman must live where her husband resides, if she is not prevented by a sound excuse such as fear, is true. However, this has nothing to do with the style of life that you described and the manner which he spends on you as you mentioned in the question.
According to what you mentioned, it does not appear to us that you are sinful. As for being angry and frustrated, then it is normal to feel that way as you are but a human being.
Indeed, you have done well in trying to encounter that with patience, remembrance of Allah, and being keen on attending circles of virtue; so you should persist in doing so. Allah Says (what means):
· {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.} [Quran 13:28]
· {And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]} [Quran 2:45]
It is very important that you have a dialogue with your husband, but you should choose the appropriate times for it. You should discuss the matter with him, in a good manner, and you should clarify to him that you need him to be with you for some time. This is one of your rights upon him, as in the Hadeeth in which the Prophet said: “…and your family (wife and children) has a right upon you.” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim] Your husband should look for a job that does not consume most of his time so that he can fulfill such rights.
Allah knows best.
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