I was young and naïve when I married a man who drinks and does not pray or fast and none of my family was there for me. I endured my misfortune until my children grew up and my husband now prays and fasts but still drinks. Whenever I advise him to stop, he tells me that Allaah The Exalted is All-Forgiving and Merciful. My question is: Would I be held accountable for enduring my husband all these years and living with him while he was committing these sins? Should I claim divorce now; since it is said that the person who turns a blind eye to what is wrong is a mute devil? Should I stay with him and be rewarded in return as he now prays and fasts?
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Undeniably, a Muslim should seek religiosity and refined manners and morals while choosing his or her spouse; for it is a strong reason to secure peace of mind, tranquility and the stability of the marriage. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: "Whenever you receive a proposal for marriage from a man whose religion and morals please you, then accept him. For if you do not do so, temptation and great mischief will fill the earth." [Ibn Maajah and At-Tirmithi]
The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “A woman is married for four reasons: her money, her beauty, her noble ancestry and her religiousness. So, win the religious woman – otherwise, your hand be besmeared with dust (you will be a loser).” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Furthermore, dear questioner, as you have been suffering because of afflicted with marrying such a man whose religiosity and refined manners were not taken into account by your family, and to whom they married you off while you were unaware of his real condition, your family would be held accountable for neglecting their due responsibility that has been decreed upon them by the Islamic Sharee‘ah (Islamic law).
You should take recourse to patience in enduring your husband, especially now that you have children from him; you should beseech Allaah The Exalted in supplication to rectify your husband. Additionally, you should continue to advise him and remind him of his due responsibility, which Allaah The Exalted has decreed upon him towards himself and his family; for how could he enjoin them to do what is good while he neglects it or forbids them to do what is wrong while he himself is indulging in it.
Allaah Knows best.
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