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Fatwa CenterReason and solution for hatred and aversion between spouses
Question
I am 23 years old and my husband is 32 years old. We married after a nice love story under the supervision of our families. After the engagement party we had an Islamic wedding. However, after the passage of two years everything changed; it is as if we hate each other and do not agree on anything, even if it is small. The matter worsened to an extent that I sought a divorce though I love him. This affirmed his love for me. The problem is that we do not know why we quarrel; for example when we watch TV, we quarrel for trivial reasons. I do not know why we suffer without having a convincing reason. Sometimes, we stop talking with each other for more than four days though we live in a European country where we have no relatives. In the course of problems, we became so far from each other. I long for the past days and I also need the compassion of my husband. Sometimes, I say to myself, “Had I married so-and-so, I would have been happy now.” In addition, there is the problem of excess jealousy especially in terms of my clothes. I wear Hijaab and I asked the family and my friends about my dressing and they told me that it is decent.
Please advise.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
First of all, we supplicate Allaah The Almighty to Reconcile you and your husband and to Set your affairs back to love and affection.
It should be known that such hatred and aversion may be the result of sins. It is indicated in the Quran that sins are the reasons behind people’s misfortunes. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And whatever strikes you of disaster – it is for what your hands have earned; but He Pardons much.} [Quran 42:5]
If you abandoned the bed of your husband or offended him, then you should repent of this, supplicate Allaah to Set things right and do many good deeds of obedience to Allaah The Almighty, including obeying your husband in whatever is good and showing love to him. You should frequently perform voluntary prayers and fast because they lead to the Love of Allaah The Almighty for the slave. It was narrated in the Qudsi Hadeeth that Allaah The Almighty Says: “My slave keeps coming closer to Me through performing voluntary prayers until I Love him. if I Loved him, I Would Become his hearing with which he hears, his seeing with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes and his leg with which he walks; and if he asks (something) of Me, I Shall Give him, and if he asks for My Protection (refuge), I Shall Protect him.” [Al-Bukhari]
One of the fruits of the Love of Allaah is casting love into the hearts of people for this person. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “If Allaah Loves a slave, He Calls out Jibreel (Gabriel) and says, `I love so-and-so, so love him'. Then Jibreel loves him. After that he (Jibreel) announces to the inhabitants of heavens, 'Allaah Loves so-and-so, so love him,' and the inhabitants of the heavens (the angels) also love him and then make people on earth love him.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]
Allaah Knows best.
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