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Fatwa CenterUnkind words between husband and wife
Question
I am 20 years old and I have been married for 10 months. My husband is always telling me something until I get angry. Then if I say something he says I am a quarrelsome wife, and "have you finished your quarrel?" He always says, "You can't do anything; you are good for nothing. You are dependent. You are immature." If I say anything about Islam, he says, "Have you finished your lecture?" If he tells me anything about Islam and I debate, he says that I am not an obedient wife, although Islam says obey only what is right and I have the right to make sure that what I am going to obey is correct.
Although he doesn't mean them from his heart, he does these things to make me angry. These things mentally hurt me. I told him that I don't want to hear this kind of words as they hurt me, but he keep going this things.
Is it permissible in Islam to make a wife angry in this way which makes misunderstanding between husband and wife?
Answer
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds; and may His blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon all his Family and Companions.
Allah made marriage an institution where both the husband and the wife feel satisfaction and comfort in the company of each one’s partner. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.}[30:21].
However the marital life cannot continue as such unless each of the partner’s fulfills his/her partner’s rights fully and completely. This life is a shared matter between the husband and the wife. Allah Says (interpretation of meaning): {…And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards living expenses, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect, etc.) to what is reasonable,……}[2:228].
Al-Tabari interpreted this verse by saying: ‘The husbands should fulfill the rights of their wives as prescribed by Allah as should the wives fulfill their husbands’ rights in the same way’.
Ibn Katheer interpreted this verse by the following: “This means, women should be given their rights as they should fulfill the rights of their husbands”.
So, it is unlawful for the husband to vex his wife and annoy her in the way you described. But, since you know that he would not bear your answer and advise, then we think that it is better for you to avoid responding to his provocations when he is angry. Be patient. Let him admire the virtues of patience. Indeed, the triumph is with patience and after a hardship there is always relief. So, pardon anything you can. Turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to whatever you can. Seek the reward from Allah and ask Allah to guide him. We hope Allah will ease all your matters.
Allah knows best.
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