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Fatwa CenterMarried for four years to abusive, neglecting husband
Question
I got married like almost 4 years ago. After our marriage, we both moved to USA. When I got married, I had the intentions that I'll be with my husband through thick and thin. But I found at the fourth day of our marriage, that he has no control on his anger as he slapped me on my face so hard only because my nail hit his nose accidentally. After that it started happening after a while. He started abusing me not only physically but verbally as well [by saying very very bad words]. In the beginning, I thought that I can change him. But with the passage of time I realized that he doesn't care about me at all. All he cares about are I do job, give all the money to him and I did it or if I am having the money then I have to pay for the house rent and groceries and my own expenses too. Even when I got pregnant, he used to get very upset if I used to call sick. There was absolutely no time for us to go for outing or anything. With the passage of time, I got so fed up that now all I want is to leave him. In the beginning of our marriage, he told me that he has done that marriage because of my us immigration and if I wouldn't have that then he wouldn't get married to me.
Please tell me what should I do? As his companionship is hurting me mentally as well. I have started suffering from OCD [obsessive compulsive disorder]. I wash my hands a lot and for a long time. He grosses me out a lot as I don't want go near him because of his disrespectful behaviour with me. I have a year old daughter too. Should I compromise for her? But if I do that then I know that I'll die because of depression caused by him. I simply don't have any feelings left for him at all. But I also want know what Islam says about me.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Dear sister, we feel deep sorrow for you. Indeed, Islam does not allow a husband to wrong his wife, rather it encourages one to be kind and behave nicely with one's wife. See Fatwa: 86618.
It is the absolute duty of a husband to bear all the expenses of marital life and should spend on his wife and children. A wife is not obliged to work or to share in the household expenses. If a wife gets a salary or owns money it is her right; her husband can not take her money and force her to spend on house expenditures. She can act freely with her money and belongings as long as there is no violation of Islamic rulings. See details in our Fatwa: 86496.
Now we advise you to remind your husband of his obligations and exhort him to fear Allaah, the Glorified and the Exalted, regarding his wife and daughter. Talk to any religious and influential person or someone who can convince him to fulfill his rights and to be good with his family.
Turn towards Allaah, the Glorified and the Exalted, supplicating for your husband and try your best to settle matters with your husband. May Allaah, the Glorified and the Exalted, grant you a happy life.
However, if all the doors of a happy life were blocked and there is no way to have a good relationship, then you may ask for divorce to avoid the harm caused by your husband. To know the rulings of asking divorce read Fatwa: 85034.
Allaah knows best.
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