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Fatwa CenterHer husband watches pornography and masturbates
Question
I got married last year, and before marriage, I told my fiancé at the time, that there are two unforgivable sins that God may forgive him for, but that I would never. This would be deceiving me, and cheating on me.
I found out yesterday that he is periodically going to pornography websites and watching movies about sexual encounters between different groups of people, and then masturbating to them. We have spoken about this before, and we both agree that not only is it Haraam, it is disrespectful to your spouse and is definitely a form of cheating, so you can imagine my shock and horror at my discovery. He denied it at first, but when I showed him the internet history, he confessed. I now wish to leave him because this is not my first problem with him...he does not "ghud elbassar" and checks out girls constantly. He has sworn to change and I was patient with him on this, but I know now that I can never trust him again and I can not bring myself to forgive him after both deceiving me and cheating on me... especially since I have never said no to him, no matter how tired I was. I wish to leave but have no idea how to explain to my parents that I want to leave him. I know secrets of a marriage should not be revealed and I do not intend to reveal them. But how do I get my parents to understand that I can no longer live with this Kafer?
It does not help that I am in America and they are in Jordan and therefore I would have no Mahram. I am studying here, and have already made arrangements to live in a girls only dorm, until arrangements can be made for my brother to join me, but I know they will still worry. Please help! And please do not tell me to try and work it out with him because I hate him now, he has broken my heart and destroyed my trust and faith in him and I am disgusted by him.
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
We are not sure whether or not your husband is really a non-Muslim as you mentioned in your question, because if he is a non-Muslim, it is forbidden for you to stay with him or to let him have sexual intercourse with you as it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non- Muslim man. Allaah Says (which means): {And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikeen till they believe (in Allaah Alone).}[Quran 2:221]. For more benefit on this regard, please refer to Fataawa 90497, 87987 and 88406.
However, if he is a Muslim and committed the sins that you mentioned, like visiting pornographic sites, masturbating and looking at marriageable women, then he is indeed wrong and sinful but these sins do not take him out of the fold of Islam. If you think it might be helpful, then you should advise him with good words and in a good manner and be patient over his actions, and supplicate Allaah as much as possible to guide him; it might be that he will repent, and this is good for you. Nonetheless, if he still persists on what he was doing and marital life worsened between you, and you think that divorce is the only solution, then you may ask him to divorce you even in return for compensation. If he refuses to divorce you, then you may take the matter to the nearest Islamic body which looks into personal matters in your country, like Islamic centres and the like. As regards your family, you may just inform them that the marital relationship has worsened between you without informing them about the details. Rather, it is not permissible for you to inform them about the sins that your husband committed, as it is an obligation to conceal the sins of a Muslim; this is of course if this man is a Muslim.
Finally, it should be noted that residing in a non-Muslim country is a cause of temptation and affliction, so it is not permissible for a Muslim to reside there except for a dire necessity or a permissible need. For more benefit in this regard, please refer to Fataawa 87373, 86405, 88291 and 81642.
Allaah Knows best.
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