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Fatwa CenterWants to divorce his disobedient wife who asks for a chance to improve
Question
Asalam alai kum, i have decided to divorce my second wife for not obeying me and doing things against my wish and for wearing clothes which are not permissble in islam and does not want me to object to her talking to her male boss apart from work .inspite of my several request and pleadings. Her mother says what her daughter is doing is correct by not obeying me .they feel im worng as i cought her talking to her boss in my absences and i cought her red handed and she refuses and when i saw the mobile she agreed.now i m not talking to her and not seeing her .i lost respect and love for her after all this and things reminds me of she refusing to go to bed with me for last 2years .this has been going for 2years and she cahllengs that she will go with him in front of my eyes..1 just by not seeing her and talking to her does this goes as divorce after certain period or do i have to say thrice .i am not in position to give her meher money can i give her later definately i will give her .now i dont think we can live together .she has caused me lot of pain.She wants me to forgive her now and give her chance to improve .Tell me for last 2years she never changed and today she wants to change coz i want divorce .Secondly she is saying she wants to change for good and dont want me in her life once she becomes good and religoius .all these things have made decide and let her go her way . please advice if my marriage will become void if i dont see her for long and dont talk to her .please advice .im not doing this under any bodys influence .i am doing this coz she caused me lot of pain and disobeyd me and went agaisnt islam .In past even i was a sinner but today i realaised and i follow to the utmost possible .she says i always say what for woemn in islam but not for men.i always followd and then told her dos and donts in islam .please advice at the earliest as im need of your help .jazak allah
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger. We ask Allaah to exalt his mention as well as that of his family and all his companions.
Divorce does not take place just because the two spouses are staying apart from each other, unless the husband utters divorce. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 90233 and 89825.
Moreover, it is not necessary for divorce to be uttered three times so that it takes place, rather if the husband says divorce once to his wife, then it takes place. However, if a husband divorces his wife three times, then this is an irrevocable divorce and he cannot remarry her unless she marries another man. For more benefit, please refer to Fataawa 82541 and 82330.
As regards your wife, if what you said about her is confirmed, then she is a disobedient wife, but you should not hasten to divorce her especially that she asked you to give her a last chance. Therefore, we advise you to undertake all permissible means to reconcile with her; in this regard please refer to Fatwa 92474.
Then, if she becomes righteous and regains her senses, all perfect praise be to Allaah, otherwise, if she insists to continue on what she was doing, then it is more appropriate to divorce her as there is no good for you to keep a wife who does not obey you as a husband, persists in abandoning Hijab and speaks to men. It should be mentioned here that it is not permissible for her to discuss with a non-Mahram man (a Mahram, i.e. a spouse or a person whom one is permanently prohibited from marrying due to suckling, marital, or blood relations) even at work except according to the necessity.
For more benefit on the ruling of a woman's work and her mixing with marriageable men, please refer to Fatwa 82399.
For more benefit on a woman refusing to share the bed with her husband, please refer to Fatwa 81787, and Fatwa 92026 about the obedience of a wife to her husband.
If we presume that divorce takes place and you are financially unable to pay the dowry to her, then she is obliged to allow you time until it becomes easy for you to repay. Allaah Says (what means): {And if someone is in hardship, then [let there be] postponement until [a time of] ease.}[Quran 2:280]. However, as soon as it becomes easy for you to repay, you are obliged to do so.
Allaah Knows best.
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