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Fatwa CenterHer husband only has sex with her twice a month
Question
my husband after 1 year of marriage has lost his sex drive. now he only makes love when i ask him to, even then he makes excuses and tries to delay. i have asked him to let me do other actions so i can reduce my frustration if he is not in mood for sex, but he does not let me. in my frustration i get really angry when he does not let me come near me, and i say bad things.then he complains about my behaviour to his parents, and tells them that i am mad.we have sex twice a months in this way.he says no man will make love to you when you want him to, and he considers it disrespectful if i even flirt with him. and he never even wants to even kiss me.what should i do when i want to have sex or even get intimate, and he does not??
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
The husband is required by the Sharee‘ah to treat his wife kindly. Allaah The Almighty Says (what means): {And live with them in kindness.}[Quran 4:19] Living in kindness includes that the husband has intercourse with his wife and he should try his best to satisfy her desire as much as he can. Scholars said that it is obligatory on the husband to have intercourse with his wife according to her need and his ability, as stated by Shaykh-ul-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah 
. If he does not have intercourse with her, he at least should satisfy her desire in terms of flirting with her, kissing her or the like. These actions are never considered disrespect as your husband claimed, and how could they be considered disrespect while the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did them. The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, used to flirt with his wives and kiss them. For further information, see Fataawa 90306 and 86403.
However, we advise you first to be patient with your husband and try to talk to him in a gentle manner. Try also to find out the reasons for his abstaining from having intercourse with you and try to remove those reasons whether they are on your part or on his part.
Furthermore, we draw your attention to the fact that a husband might be unable to have intercourse with his wife due to a magic spell or the like. If you think that magic is done to him, perform religious Ruqyah on him. For further information, see Fatwa 13249. Also, supplicate Allaah The Almighty much to cure him.
Finally, we do not know what you mean by the actions that you asked him to let you do. If these actions are permissible, such as enjoying your husband even by masturbating by using his hands or the like, then it is permissible for you to do them. But if these actions are prohibited, such as masturbating using your own hand or the like, then you are not allowed to do that. For further information, see Fataawa 81150 and 83147.
Allaah Knows best.
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