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Fatwa CenterShe feels her life is in danger with her abusive husband
Question
Salam alaykum I am a revert of many years, alhamdulillah. I am married with three sons mashaAllah. My husband and I do not get along, and when he is angry with me, he often beats me until I bruise. He also curses me and spits mucus into my face and mouth and eyes. He also tells my sons about my sins before Islam (he knows nothing, he makes it up), and urges them to curse me as well. I know that if I were a better wife to him he may be more patient with me, but the fact is that I am quite ugly so he cannot touch me, and I also forget too easily and I argue with him. My question, knowing that I am not good, but I feel my life is in danger. Is there sin on me if I leave the house and flee to a shelter for women? We live in North America and the Islamic facilities in my town don't have anything for women. I know my children will wish to stay with their father because of his telling them how bad I am... is it a sin on me to try to access them through the courts if he will not let me see them? I don't mean to take them away, but only to have the right to visit them without their father being present. Barak Allahu feekum
Answer
All perfect praise be to Allaah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah, and that Muhammad, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His Slave and Messenger.
First of all, we congratulate you for embracing Islam and we implore Allaah to bless us and you to be firm on the straight path until we breathe our last. We invoke Allaah to relieve your distress, ease your burden and rectify your relationship with your husband; verily, Allaah is Near and Responding.
Islam enjoins both spouses to show kindness to each other; the husband is enjoined to fulfill his duty toward his wife and the wife is enjoined to do the same towards him. Please refer to Fataawa 86618 and 88304. Needless to say, what you mentioned about your husband and his behavior towards you entirely contravenes this divine command.
In any case, if the husband does not wish to keep his wife and live with her in kindness, mutual respect and affection, then he should at least divorce her respectfully. The wife is not to be blamed for not being beautiful; this is not a valid reason for the husband to divorce his wife. There are benefits to marriage that require having patience for each other. Sufficient is the blessing of children who are one of the greatest worldly blessings. We advise you to be careful not to neglect your duty towards your husband as neglecting them could be provoking him to misbehave.
On the other hand, it is impermissible for a woman to leave her husband’s house without his permission as explained in Fatwa 155975. Instead of fleeing from your home, you are advised to consult the Islamic Centers and refer them to investigate the matter and try to reconcile between you or end your marriage if need be. They will also help you find a place to stay after the divorce when the ‘Iddah (waiting period) expires or even find you another husband afterwards. As for women’s shelters, you may not be safe from harm in them against you or your religion.
If divorce takes place, then you should know that, as their mother, you have the right to custody of your children as long as you do not remarry. If custody of the children is granted to the father, he has no right to prevent you from seeing your children as underlined in Fatwa 84575. If he does, you can refer the case to the Islamic Centers. It is not permissible for you to appeal to the non-Islamic courts, on the other hand, for any legal decisions without legitimate necessity. Please refer to Fatwa 210121.
Allaah Knows best.
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